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In our weekly columns, this week I will talk about Love Languages ​​on relationships...

As a Family Marriage Couple therapist, this article, in which I gave the formula for a happy and fulfilling relationship, should be a bedside article for me and a must-read.

Despite the increasing divorce rates, many people still dream of marriage and even want to remarry despite having an unhappy marriage because human nature has a need to be loved by others and marriage is an institution designed to meet the need for intimacy and love.

So what happens when marriages that start with a great desire and love do not work? Over the years, many couples have said to us therapists, 'Our love is over, our relationship is dead. We became estranged from each other. We don't like being together anymore. They come by saying, 'We can't meet each other's needs.

Every child has a 'emotion tank' waiting to be filled with love. If the child truly feels loved, he will develop normally. But when the love tank is empty, the child misbehaves. Much of children's mischief is caused by their longing for an empty 'love tank'.

Just like children, adults carry 'love tanks', hurt couples have an invisible 'love tank' deep in their hearts that shows an empty needle. Misbehavior, withdrawals, bitter words, and critical attitudes come from an empty warehouse. When you fill the tank, we see that marriages can be revived and it is possible to resolve different arguments and contradictions.

To fill their love tanks, you must first understand your partner's and your own love languages, and then learn to speak your partner's primary love language.

According to Chapman, there are 5 different lovers:

1-Words of Confirmation:

People whose primary love language is words of approval feel loved by hearing verbal compliments or words of appreciation. When they hear your verbal compliments and words of appreciation, they are motivated to do whatever you want. They look forward to your encouraging words to unlock their hidden potential in areas where they feel insecure.

It is important to express love in an honest and caring manner. Your partner will usually interpret the message loaded into the tone of your voice, not the words you use.

When you demand certain things from your spouse, you become the parent and the child. If the way in which you express your desires becomes demanding, you erase the possibility of intimacy and push your partner away from you. When you make a request to your spouse, you affirm his worth and abilities. You indicate that he or she can do something meaningful and valuable for you and that he or she has something like that. A request introduces the element of choice. Please, because love is always a choice.

2-Qualified Draw:

For those whose primary love language is quality togetherness, the priority is togetherness. It means we are doing something together and giving each other our full attention in that moment. Spending time together in a common occupation means that we care about each other, that we enjoy being with each other, that we like to do something together.

Two individuals share their experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly and undisturbed environment. The partner focuses on listening with understanding to what the other has to say, asking questions with sincere desire. We should only give advice when requested.

Quality conversation requires not only listening with understanding, but also self-explanatory. If a woman's or man's primary love language is quality time and conversation, her love tank will not be filled until her partner tells her thoughts and feelings.

3- Receiving a Gift:

Gifts are visual symbols of love. Most marriage ceremonies involve the giving and receiving of rings. These rings are the outer visible signs of the inner spiritual bond that unites the two hearts forever. Symbols have emotional value. Visual symbols are more important to some people than others. Some people never take off their wedding ring after the wedding. Others never wear that ring. If gift receiving is your partner or your primary love language, you will treasure the ring you have been given and wear it with great pride. You are also touched by other gifts given over the years. You see them as expressions of love. Without gifts as visual symbols, you can question the other person's love.

Being there when your partner needs you means a lot for someone whose primary love language is receiving gifts.

4-Service Behaviors:

Those whose primary love language is service behavior do what they like their partner to do. They strive to please him by serving him, to express their love for him by doing things for him. Like cooking, setting the table, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, changing the baby's diaper, washing the car…

What you did for each other before marriage It is not an indication of what you will do after. Before marriage, we are driven by the power of love. After marriage, we go back to being the people we were before we 'fall in love'. Your actions are influenced by the model your parents set up, your own personality, your understanding of love, your feelings, your needs and desires.

Acts of service out of fear, guilt, and resentment are not expressions of love.

5-Physical Contact:

Physical contact is a powerful tool for communicating love in marriage. Holding hands, kissing, hugging, and sexual intercourse are ways to convey one's love to one's partner. Physical touch is some people's primary love language. They don't feel loved without it. With her, their love tank is full and they feel secure in their partner's love.

Physical contact is what makes or breaks a relationship. It can convey love or hate. For someone whose primary love language is physical touch, this message will be much more effective than the words 'I hate you' or 'I love you'.

The key here is to discover what your partner likes. Your partner may find some touches irritating. To insist on maintaining these touches is to convey the opposite of love.

If your partner's first love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than hugging them when they cry. Crises are unique opportunities to express love.

You could say I use all five of these love languages. But one or both are more dominant than the others. You start to discover the primary love languages ​​of yourself and your partner this week, let's talk about what to do for more satisfying relationships next week. If you have a problem with relations, do not hesitate to contact me on +90544 724 3650.

Remember; love is always a choice...